A Sharp Knife Is Safer 5 & 6: Adjectives & Adverbs
Welcome back to “A Sharp Knife Is Safer,” where I tell the same story 100 ways. I missed last week, so this week you get two.
Adjectives
In the sweaty summer between Baptist high school and Presbyterian college, I sold luxury kitchen knives from a glossy catalog. I couldn’t convince many people to buy very much, but I did convince my gullible self these were the best available knives at any given price. I did get my supportive mom to order a midrange jackknife for my handy dad’s upcoming birthday. It came in the daily mail; the compact package was in the familiar car as my busy mom drove me to the local airport for an Evangelical church religious missions short-term trip. In the front passenger seat I opened up the aforementioned knife to demonstrate the patented safety mechanism, and in the clumsy attempt I sliced open my baby-soft palm. Next sweltering summer, I sold assorted donuts from behind an orange counter.
Adverbs
In the summer between high school and college, I desperately sold kitchen knives from a catalog. I unfortunately couldn’t slickly convince people to greedily buy much, but I did ironically convince myself these were the objectively best knives at literally any price. I did eventually get my mom to graciously order a jackknife for my dad’s birthday. It presently came in the mail; the package obviously was in the car as my mom safely drove me to the airport for a church missions trip. In the passenger seat I impatiently opened up the knife to professionally demonstrate the safety mechanism, and in the attempt I accidentally sliced open my palm. Very next summer, I reluctantly sold donuts from right behind a counter.
Recommendation: “Infinite Eternity,” a song by Brendan Dalton
Brendan Dalton, who acted in Roommate From Hell season 2, has a new sweet sad song out, and it helps that he sings like Ben Folds. It’s almost five minutes long, like a sad song should be, so you don’t have to click that often to keep replaying it. It’s called “Infinite Eternity.”
In 2020 Brendan released the album Christmas in Middle-Earth, which transcends its novelty concept with beauty and holiday cheer, so you can play it on vinyl while your relatives are over and they won’t notice unless they’re in on it.
Brendan has a Patreon with more exclusive music.
See you next week.